🐦⬛
Birds Aren't Real
If it flies, it spies.
🔍 The Basics
Between 1959 and 2001, the United States government allegedly replaced every living bird with surveillance drones. What you see perched on power lines are reconnaissance units recharging via induction. What you hear at dawn is a data uplink in progress.
(We are not joking. Okay, we are. But also… are we?)
📸 Photographic "Evidence"
Surveillance Unit Model P-6
Two units syncing firmware
Recharging via induction
Long-range relay drone
❓ Frequently Asked Questions
Have you ever seen a baby pigeon?
Exactly. They ship fully assembled.
Why do birds sit on power lines?
Wireless charging. Next question.
What about bird poop?
Liquid tracking fluid. How else would they mark your car specifically?
Why do geese fly in a V-formation?
Optimal mesh networking topology for long-range data relay. Basic computer science, honestly.
What happens at dawn when they all "sing"?
Coordinated data uplink to the satellite network. They literally call it the dawn chorus. It's not even subtle.
Is this website serious?
Birds Aren't Real is a satirical movement and internet meme. No, birds are (probably) real. But we'll never be 100% sure, and that's what keeps life interesting.
📋 Key Dates
- 1947 — First avian drone prototyping begins. The timing is suspicious but we can't say more.
- 1959 — Phase 1: Urban pigeons replaced. Nobody notices because nobody likes pigeons.
- 1963 — Turkey vultures swapped out. "Circling" behavior is just aerial pattern surveillance.
- 1978 — Songbird miniaturization breakthrough. Dawn chorus protocol goes live.
- 1986 — Waterfowl line completed. Migration = continental telemetry coverage.
- 2001 — Final species replaced. Full mesh operational.
🚨 Stay vigilant. Question everything. 🚨
Especially pigeons. Definitely question pigeons.